Life starts at.......33yo??

3rd week after she has gone...

2010-01-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

We all have taken a lot of things for granted in life. Such as getting ‘’ang poa’’ from popo every Chinese New Year, have a meal with her every now and then, visit her as and when we are ‘’free’’, and even making fun of her.
Last year, remember we kept asking her ‘’ah po, have you eaten?’’ (We copied the joke from the Singapore movie ‘’money not enough 2’’), after being asked the same thing a few time, ah po answered ‘’ what?? You want to pay for a meal??’’........... we all laughed out loud.

Popo hates gambling, but last CNY, she played black jack with all of us.... we were all surprised she knows the game. She tried to stay up as late as possible to accompany us. And when she went to bed, we woke up her a few time when going into the bedroom, but she never complained.
Starting from about 10 years ago, I will keep the ‘’ ang poa’’ given by popo until the following year. As I never know if I will get another one next year. There is one form last year in my travel wallet..... it is the smallest amount I ever got from her, cos I heard someone was helping popo prepared the ‘’ang po’’ last year. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t care about the amount.
They had a 90th party for her. In a not very grand venue, I was not very happy when I heard of the venue, but thought popo won’t care, she just wanted to see all of us gather together and have a meal. I took her to an expensive but lousy meal the following day cos I wanted to make it up for her. But the stupid restaurant messed it up.... the food were the most awful we ever had. To the chef who prepared that dinner, I wish you all the best. You have messed up the last dinner I bought for my grandma.

I have been thinking of popo every single day, dream of her twice. First time she came and gave me a good bye hug (she didn’t say a word, and my friend told me, if she didn’t say anything, that is a real deal). The 2nd time she didn’t say a word at the beginning, I was a bit scare. Then she talks about her money......I don’t to upset her about what had happened, so I didn’t tell her anything in my dream.
Grandma has passed away for almost 3 weeks. And I have not been able to cry out loud....I don’t know why. Maybe I have prepared for this day for a while. Maybe because I have no regret (except didn’t spend more time with her during my 3 months unpaid holiday).

I can’t remember a lot of thing, I can’t remember if I have told her that I may move to HK soon....... and would be able to visit her more often.
But I will always remember:
-hiding behind her legs when mom chasing me with her cane (from 6 yo uo to 10 yrs old or so).
-Learn how to fold the joss paper from her during my childhood
--Accompanied her waiting for her daughther to arrive from out station in front of the shop house
-combing my hair (in primary school) while she was preparing breakfast or lunch
-visit her when she was living alone in the shop house on her own during my high school holiday
--seeing her sitting at her old chair waitng for me to arrive back from singapore, and waiting for me to try her home cooked lunch.
--standing at the door nex to Doctor Woo clinic sending me off when my brother send me to changin airport from JB, i guess she didn't know if she wiould see me again

It will be very strange on my next visit to Malaysia..... I won’t be able to see popo anymore, not even her dead body.....nothing. they burn it. They fucking burn it.

I really don’t like some of the relative.......i don’t want to use the word HATE. I wish them all the best!! Whatever you have done.... I trust they will be karma.

The last word she said to me in Nov was (as usual) ''make more money'' ''good health''......did she also said ''give big ang poa to popo'' that time....I can't remember. I wish I have recorded the last wishes she gave me......... I didn't, but I will remember it.

I am afraid I am not able to make it......... no big money, no good health either. But that is not important anymore. Cos she won't find out, and won't get upset anymore. I have been so worried I will die before her as that will make her so upset, at least now I won't be able to upset her any more.

R.I.P popo.

Bye bye my dearest POPO.......

2009-12-20T09:06:00.000-08:00

9am this morning....12 missed call from Malaysia, 3 SMS, I knew something went wrong.

This is not the first time I worry about that when I see missed calls from Malaysia. And this time is real.......popo passed away this morning. I read that message and was surprisingly calm, no reaction, my mind was thinking about ok, how can i get home ASAP.

Its only after a while then my mind start realising my desrest grandma has left me, and she didn't even bother to say good bye to anyone, no one, I heard she die in peace..... but who can confirm she was not in pain the minute before she die, did she think of any of us, did she remember the last lunch box I bought for her last month. But it is not important anymore. The fact is she has left us.....

what about the ''ang poa'' she said she expected from me in the Chinese New Year, she wishes me make lots of money, good health (that is her usual wishes)......think she knows economy is bad, no bonus for me this year, and decided not worth to wait till CNY.

I used to tell her I am going home to make her happy, then we realised she get very anxious to see me and will keep waiting at the front door. So we decided not to tell her whenever I am going back and just pop over as a surprise.

It won't be a surprise this time, she must know i will go back. I went back for her 90th b.day in April, and now for her funeral. Flight is full, I can only tell the check in staff I need to go home, I really need to.....

And I know as soon as I arrive at the funeral hall, my emotion will collaps. I will accompany her to walk the last journey, there are so many things I need to tell her.....I want to tell her I may move to HK soon, and could have viist her more often.....I want to tell her I will take her out for another nice dinner. as the restuarant we wnet fucked up her 90th dinner......

I want to tell her so many things....I will never have chance to do that anymore.

2009-07-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

Multiple Personality Disorder

2009-05-23T03:41:00.000-07:00

Found this on the internet and thought don't we all experience some of the below symptoms once in a while??

Symptoms
Multiple personalities, on average 10 though there can be as few as two and as many as 100
Exhibits different personalities, behavior and even physical characteristics
Episodes of amnesia or time loss (i.e.: don't remember people, places, etc.)
Often they are depressed or suicidal
Self-mutilation is common
1/3 of patients experience visual or auditory hallucinations
The average age for the development of alters is 5.9 years
Depressive symptoms
An inability to focus in school (in childhood)
Conduct problems (in childhood)
To be clinically diagnosed with DID, the following symptoms must be identified:

The presence of at least two distinct personalities with their own relatively enduring pattern of sensing, thinking about, and relating to self and environment
At least two of these personalities assume control of behavior repeatedly
Extensive inability to recall major personal information cannot be attributed to common forgetfulness
This behavior is not caused directly by substance abuse or a general medical condition

it has been a while...

2009-05-22T17:04:00.001-07:00

It has been a long time, no mood to write anything. In fact, no mood to do much....

Go to work, clear e-mails, talk to arrogant, stupid, some nice clients over the phone. Come home, wine, beer, food, ice cream... feel guity, do 3 sets of push up & sit up.

sit on couch, TV, laptop, msn, tv again, more wine.... 11.45pm, sleep..........wake up couple of time at night to check how many hours do i left in bed before i need to go to work again... 8.15am, up, snooze the alarm 3 time before waking up unwillingly. Brush teeth, comb the messy hair, walk/run to work (depending on if i am late)

Weekend, clean up the flat, fly here, there, same places. Worry about not enough money for old age so buy lotto once in a while, and spending 20 minutes planning how to use the winning money.....(do think of charities most of the times)

Have doen the same routine over the last few weeks, months, years. Need a break, yes, need a break i think..... before i feel sick of my life!!!

Monogamy anyone?

2008-11-19T13:24:00.000-08:00

Watching the re-run of Sex and The City... it keeps talking about monogamy relationship. Do you believe you can manage with monogamy relationship?

I always thought it is difficult (if not impossible). But I started to believe in it now.... i guess we all grow up and change huh!!

恋曲1980

2008-11-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

1st day of November. 2008 is ending soon, did something ''amazing'' last week, amazing people, amazing lunch, amazing venue... but it would be good if friends and family were there. I guess life is not always perfect, and it is tough for a VIRGO (perfectionist) to accept that fact.

It's that time of the year again.. summer is long gone, the fear of cold winter approching. Nothing much you want to do on a Saturday morning other than get a hot drink (I am having Milo today), and listening to some old love songs....Love the first 4 lines:

你曾经对我说
你永远爱着我
爱情这东西我明白
但永远是什么

Below is the link to the song if you want to feel mellow..its 11.30am. I know I shouldn't , but going to open a bottle of wine to cheer my soul(my sister in law said I am like those Indian People in Malaysia...) I guess they drink quite early as well!! ha...

http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/6140ht.htm

恋曲1980....

你曾经对我说
你永远爱着我
爱情这东西我明白
但永远是什么
姑娘你别哭泣
我俩还在一起
今天的欢乐
将是明天创痛的回忆
啦……
亲爱的莫再说
你我永远不分离
什么都可以抛弃
什么也不能忘记
现在你说的话
都只是你的勇气
春天刮着风
秋天下着雨
春风秋雨
多少海誓山盟随风远去
你不属于我
我也不拥有你
姑娘世上没有人
有占有的权利
或许我们分手
就这么不回头
至少不用编织一些
美丽的藉口

你我明天要分离

pui!!

2008-09-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

Lots of people in my company have been made redundant recently (goreng sotong).

I am happy that some of them are leaving (cos they are crap at their job and not very nice to people). For example the HR Manager...she is the most untrractive woman I ever met in my life and nasty.... so glad she is unattractive...ha!!

But there are some nice people who are leaving as well...i felt sorry for them.

My bosses are evils (same as any other businessmen). 2 of them are very young (early 40) and have big head.... they wanted to grow the company and sell it quick, but I think they have not planned it properly. so they have to cut cost now.

They have made up lots of stories to cover up thier mistakes. I feel sick when I see them, they mentioned about passion, loyalty ....bla bla bla in the company meeting today. PUI, PUI, PUI.......

lots of people have not choice, they need the job to pay thier mortgage etc, and they have to stay........ why am i still there? They paid for my visa, if I quit now I have to pay them back the money, it is quite a lot of money (well, enought to do a 10 days trip to MAldives).

I need to stay till April 2009 in order not to pay back the money. I am not sure how am I going to do that....

I really wish I can go to my CEO's office and spit on his face....can i curse him?? ehh, not very nice huh, ok....I believe he won't have good ending.

Back to work...and of course not happy.

2008-09-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

Went back to Malaysia for about 10 days... met up with a few friends (not all, cos was in a rush). Good time good break..

Back to work today. Not great, well...didn't expect a good day. Not sure if company is doing ok, majority of our clients are big Banksm and they are in trouble. Lots of poeple in my company has been made redundant...not sure if I should be pleased that I am still there as work load will be increased.

I try to take it easy, try to tell myself that there is only so much I can do and if things go wrong, my boss should make some changes. I hate this attitude, but I don't want to stress myself and stay late every day because my boss want to save more money for his next big yatch or country houses. No, I refuse to do that!!!!

Do you want to know?

2008-07-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

Saw the movie --''The Bucket's List'' the other day...not as good as I thought. But the movie talks about something that is always on my mind.....

I always wonder, how nice if I can know when I am going to die, so I can plan my life accordingly.

For example, if I know I am going to die at age 90 yo, I will work my ass out to make sure I have enough money to retire, and maybe I won't travel as much as I am now. And If I know I am dying in 5 yrs time, I will quit my job now, and just spend more time with friends, family and do something I really want to do.

It is so difficult to plan when you don't know how long you are going to live. You work like shit, save like hell, and who knows....the terrorist bomb your office, or the train you are on.....

But according to the movie, they did a survey, and only 4% of the people are like me. Most of the people rather not know!!!!

然后怎样

2008-07-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

我怕谁失望 ?

我为谁而忙 ?

我最初只贪玩为何变负担

为何我的问题总得等待别人的答案
--------------------------------

Like this lyric from Eason's new song: 然后怎样

I think most of the people who are single will aks themselves the first 2 questions very often....

Sunday

2008-06-29T04:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday...

Like any other day of the week, it can be bored, insteresting, cheerful, and even depressing..

I hope today is going to be a cheerful sunday for everyone (oh ya...it would be a cheerful one for either the Spanish or the German, depending on who is winning the Euro 2008 Cup this evening)...

Go España....

No ....don't want to go back to work

2008-06-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

Took a week off to have a break in the busy summer. Summer is the busiest time in International Moving Industry (because those expats with kids in school tent to move to another countries during summer school holiday)...

I am not sure how long I can stay at my company doing what I am doing.. I have never done the same role for more than 3 years. Guess I need some new challenge. However, it is difficult to move on....sigh.. $$$$. and Money is my main motivation now, I keep pushing them to give me more $$, as long as they match my offer, I will stay longer. I know they will turn around and say 'no' to me one day, and there is not much I can do except looking for another higher pay job.

I wonder how many people actually are loving their jobs. A very famouse UK TV prensenter accepted a life time achievement award few weeks ago, and he said something like....

''I have never worked for a single day in the last 25 years, cos I am doing something I really like, and I wouldn't call it a job...''

Lucky him.

c'est la vie

2008-06-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

Sister-In-Law, her sis and aunt visited Europe for about 12 days, took them to Netherlands and Belgium, and they stayed at my place for about 7 days.... good fun, good food, and they cooked a few nice meals for me....

they are on the plane now...

the flat is so quiet...and I hate this feeling, the feeling of being alone after a busy week entertaining them.

But I know this is life.... as the Frech say....c'est la vie.

Good bye and take care, i will see u all in Malaysia.

Happy Mother's Day....

2008-05-10T18:56:00.001-07:00

It's mother's day today in most part of the world (in UK, it is in March).

Mother...
a figure (person) that most of us are blessed to have and may take it for granted sometimes.

It must be one of the thoughest roles in the world. And often be ''replaced'' or ''forgotten'' when the children grow up. A friend once said something like...mother is the past , wife is the future. ha ha... check the divorce rate and say that again.

Read an article about mother's day without mom.... well, I felt sorry for those people. There is something I like about the western culture, they hug thier parents, they say ''I love you'' .... Chinese don't normally do it.

Anyway... I hope all the mothers will have a fantastic day. I know most of them don't really need a cake or card, all they need to know is that thier children are safe and sound.

吃蛇---Makan Ular/ Eat Snake??

2008-04-29T03:43:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 4am last night. Got some red rash on my arm, not sure if it is insect bites or food allergy (a term they use very often in western country), in Asia, we just eat everyhting...... yes i guess people eat most of the animal with back born facing the sky. And lots of people like to ''EAT SNAKE''.

So I lie on my bed at 4am and decide that I will ''EAT SNAKE"" today or 吃蛇. That means, I called the office at 9am, and tell them I am not feeling well, and won't be in today (it is my first sicky in 2008...so not that bad, and I do have valid reason...)

吃(eat) 蛇(snake): Not sure if people use the term in KL, but it is widely used in Singapore and Johor. I tried to search on internet to find out the ''origin'' of the term, but no luck. But that is what we use to decribe someone who fake sick, or not doing work during working hour.

Went to the clinic around the corner. As I am not registered with them, they won't let me see the doctor. I need to complete a form, go back this afternoon with my urine sample to do a health check, then they can schedule an appointment for me. what a system. I prefer the Malaysia/Singapore style, just pay and see the doctors or use your company panel doctors.

So I have collected some unrine sample (I did make an effort to drink lots of water so it looked ok)....

Ok, will continue enjoy my Eating Snake day....

BIG APPLE---Are you still tasty?

2008-04-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

Finally, I am going back, its like going home... New York City, the place I once called home.

Fell in love with NYC when I first visited in Aug 1997 (did a road trip with Tom, his ex, and Ku Ren). I love that place so much that I woke up at 8am in the morning, and spend 10 hours or so walking in Manhattan and got back to Ku Ren's place at about 9pm or so...Ku Ren's Mom was so amased that I spent so much time walking in the city every day.

After that trip, I told myself that I want to live there for a while, and I did that for 2 yrs after graduation.

I always wanted to go back, and to see if I will still like it. After travelling extensively for the last few year, I have come to realise that our feeling or perception changes every time when you visit the same place.... even with Malaysia.

''Thanks'' to the US Embassy in London... I can go there again this Friday (if the immigration officer allows me to go in).

NYC, I am coming... please do not dissapoint me. If you do, I guess I will try to find an excuse to love you again.... When you are in love with someone or something, you tend to find excuse to embrace it. However, I am not sure if I still Love you (as much as I did 7 yrs ago). Because I do fell in Love with some other cities over the last few years, you are not the only one anymore.... but hey, try your best ok.

bye bye ---my friend

2008-04-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

one of my best friends in UK is leaving tomorrow.....

we had a nice italian dinner (served by italian waiters)and it was in a small villages in UK...

i try not to think too much about it... as i should be used to this after all these years....

take care my friend. come back and visit us when u feel like.

Friends come and go... but the true frineds will stick together regardless of the distance.

you know what, this morning, i got an e-mail from one of my friends in NYC, who haven't wrote to me for about 2 yrs..... so happy to get in touch again. he is a funny Janpanese guy.. (see, if we make an effort, friends will stick with you..)

Lucky him...

2008-04-13T02:56:00.001-07:00

I happened to see this pic on the internet, what a lovely pic. Lucky little Maddox, guess he is the most famouse Cambodian on the planet Earth now.

Well done, Maddox, and he is really stylish huh. It does make me feel like adopting one ha...

London Marathon day.. and no, I am not running

2008-04-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

Its London Marathon Day (13 April). Watching it on TV, a colleague of mine is running for charity, he did the New York, Singapore, and now London Marathon, he is 50yo (shame on me that I can't even run 1 km..)

Weather is quite bad, and it is going to rain, so I didn't go into town to support him. It is amazing how they can run that long....i guess they do get a great satisfaction when they cross the finishing line and know that they have raised some money for the charity. Well Done Jeff...

Olympic---what's the fuss about??

2008-04-09T14:09:00.000-07:00

All the news is about Olympic torch.... they can't see it in S.F... tom, can you see it???

Please forgive my ignorance...what is all those fuss about?? human right?? oh... those things never bother me, too out of reach. I will save the energy and concerntrate on my life and continue giving love to people around me.

I am not Jesus, not Dalai Lama.... people (or protesters) out there, good luck with your protest and hope you are having fun.... well, at least u r on TV n you have catch the attention of the world (so they can leave Britney Spear alone).

some people....

2008-04-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

some people just irritate you... and you won't be bother to be nice to them. when u see them, u want to slap thier face....

they normally not very attractive and think they are... n they normally.

i happened to have a conflict with two of them today. Not happy with them, and really piss off.... but i shouldn't let them ruin my weekend. ok girls, hope you will be slapped by someone on the street soon... (and it won't be me)

Day light saving----29th MArch

2008-03-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

Saturday....raining cats and dogs.

Just finished the Puilly-Fusse with some nice chicked from Waitrose. Can;t complain much... and have managed to get more money from my company. Another trip then, i guess...

nothing much on the TV, will just finish the cheese cake with another glass of wine then go to sleep..

I will lose 1 hour tonight because of the day light saving shit... we will have to move forward one hour at 2am tonight.... sigh!!

still not sure

2008-03-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

still not sure how this 'Blog' thing works.... guess it is just like writing diary???

Another busy day at work. It was not that bad, cos tomorrow is pay day, and my company has agreed to contribute at least GBP 950 towards my Visa application, hope more will come.

Joined the French girls out for an after work drink, it is funny to see them talk in French, and all i understand is Oui Oui Oui... amazing French.

The TV is all about the visit of the French President in UK....and all eyes are on his new wife (who the newspaper published her naked pictures taken ages ago). She was a model, and so is quite pretty. Who says money can't buy happiness???

Leona Lewis---I knew it

2008-03-27T15:22:00.001-07:00

I knew she is great, I knew she will be famouse, and I did send an sms to vote for her at the X-Factor final 2 yrs ago??

http://www.findinternettv.com/Video,item,3959831491.aspx

have a look and you will think she is quite good, buy her CD and u know she is great.