Bye bye my dearest POPO.......

9am this morning....12 missed call from Malaysia, 3 SMS, I knew something went wrong.

This is not the first time I worry about that when I see missed calls from Malaysia. And this time is real.......popo passed away this morning. I read that message and was surprisingly calm, no reaction, my mind was thinking about ok, how can i get home ASAP.

Its only after a while then my mind start realising my desrest grandma has left me, and she didn't even bother to say good bye to anyone, no one, I heard she die in peace..... but who can confirm she was not in pain the minute before she die, did she think of any of us, did she remember the last lunch box I bought for her last month. But it is not important anymore. The fact is she has left us.....

what about the ''ang poa'' she said she expected from me in the Chinese New Year, she wishes me make lots of money, good health (that is her usual wishes)......think she knows economy is bad, no bonus for me this year, and decided not worth to wait till CNY.

I used to tell her I am going home to make her happy, then we realised she get very anxious to see me and will keep waiting at the front door. So we decided not to tell her whenever I am going back and just pop over as a surprise.

It won't be a surprise this time, she must know i will go back. I went back for her 90th b.day in April, and now for her funeral. Flight is full, I can only tell the check in staff I need to go home, I really need to.....

And I know as soon as I arrive at the funeral hall, my emotion will collaps. I will accompany her to walk the last journey, there are so many things I need to tell her.....I want to tell her I may move to HK soon, and could have viist her more often.....I want to tell her I will take her out for another nice dinner. as the restuarant we wnet fucked up her 90th dinner......

I want to tell her so many things....I will never have chance to do that anymore.